so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
