The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
