it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
