Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
