Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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