I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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