Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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