There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
