I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
