you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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