I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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