who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
