So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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