Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
