im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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