I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
