We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
