I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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