I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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