I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
