I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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