there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
