Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
