I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
