dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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