i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
