You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize