I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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