It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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