My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
