you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
