I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
