Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
