Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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