so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
