yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
