I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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