I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
