Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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