i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize