Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
