i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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