You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I party with great urgency now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
