pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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