I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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