he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
