Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
