i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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