My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
