Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
