let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
