i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
