I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
