It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
