um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
