Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize