i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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