god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
