she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize