6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
that is very illegal...i love you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
