So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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