apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
