respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
