The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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