I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
