I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
