Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
