Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's like heaven, but drunker
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
