My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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