nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
