I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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