no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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