he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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